Thanks to and for their ongoing help with this baby.



How to Provide Help in the Help With Life Forum
Common Issues in the Help With Life Forum
How to Get Help on the HWL Forum
The Help With Life Forum



Starting Out

The first step to help anyone anywhere is to make the decision to act. There are so many ways to help someone, and it's so easy, but you have to press that SUBMIT button. Even if you think your advice would be obvious to the person, say it anyway! Even if you don't really know much about the problem, give them some comfort! If you've had a similar problem, share your story! Even if you think their problem is trivial, giving them a little attention can go a long way toward helping their self esteem!

Don't Start Help Kiosk Threads

That is, threads with titles like, "Come here for advice!" or "Tell me your problem, I'll help!" There are several reasons. First of all, no one will come there for help -- only trolls will come there, to flame you. Second, you are pushing real threads down the list, so that they may not receive help. Third, if you really want to help people, you'll put a little effort into it by clicking the extra links and reading people's problems that they've already posted.



Read the Whole Post

I'm guilty of skimming, and about half the time I end up looking like an idiot because I missed an important detail at the middle or bottom of the post. So just do it, even if it's a giant text wall full of typos. If the post is otherwise unreadable -- in a different language (Advanced Chatspeakese included), or makes no sense, for example -- politely give them ways they could be better understood.

Post Clearly & Use Proper Grammar

This includes spelling correctly, punctuating properly, and using paragraphs and bulleted lists as needed. People will take you more seriously if you do these things. Even if you're full of crap, you at least look like an expert when you do this. And remember, the person isn't going to be helped much if they can't understand what you're saying. SpellChecker.net is a useful tool when you need help.



This is Not the Politics Forum

HWL is not a place to debate about the issues of the day and is not your personal crusading ground for your religious and political and even ethical beliefs. If you truly want to reach out and help people, then you must learn to respect their values and beliefs, which may be very different from your own.

Most problems arise when people ignore the OP's question and try to get them to change their mind when their minds already made up, or choose one detail out of the post and focus in on it, ignoring the real issue. Typical example: Abortion. Use your common sense, here, people! If the girl says she's having an abortion in two weeks, and is asking what it is going to be like, this means she has already made up her mind, been to the doctor a few times, and even scheduled the appointment. She doesn't need you to tell her your opinion, she needs facts and real life experiences and support. Of course, if the original post instead says, "I am considering an abortion, what do you think I should do?", then you may feel free to express your opinion.



Ask for Details

I notice a lot of people just ignore a person who only gives one or two sentences to describe their problem, or try to feebly work with what was given. Try asking for more details, or even better, ask them some specific questions. Remember to be polite when you do this so that they don't feel threatened or insulted by the inquiries.

If Possible, Be Entertaining

I encourage people to open with a joke when appropriate. Be clear that it was just that -- a joke. If you think your joke might offend them, just refrain. Joking around can help you illustrate points and relieve stress, and can also calm a person down if they have misunderstood you and reacted badly. And don't forget about all those cah-razy emoticons.

Be Knowledgeable and Responsible

Know what you are talking about. Do not try to solve a person's problem if you know very little or nothing about the subject. This goes for giving someone serious legal, medical, and psychological advice. It is unethical and irresponsible to try to diagnose someone online, even if you fancy yourself qualified. Preface your replies with warnings like, "I do not know anything about this subject, but here is my advice," or "I am absolutely not an expert on this subject, but here is what I know from my personal experiences," or "I am a therapist in real life, and I'll give you my opinion, but I am telling - not asking - you to seek out a professional for this problem."

Many HWL forum-goers think they have some sort of mental illness. So before you respond to these people with your opinion, do your homework on the symptoms at the very least. Common topics seen on the forum are Bipolar Disorder, Depression, ADD/ADHD, Schizophrenia. Multiple/Split Personality (DID), and Eating Disorders.



Provide Helpful Links

This is good for backing up what you say and also for when you don't really know much about their problem, but the site provides a lot of helpful information. To find helpful links, become a master of efficient Google searching. For example, if someone asks how to get rid of fruit flies, typing fruit flies in the search will probably find you a bunch of information about the insect, while typing how to get rid of fruit flies will probably find you several links with different methods. See also: How to Make Links on deviantArt

Some People Don't Know as Much as You

So don't treat them like they're stupid, and don't assume things are common knowledge. They've come to the HWL forum for help -- and that means knowledge. Inform them like you would inform a child -- that is not to say patronize them, but treat them as if they are a blank slate and have every right not to know every little thing about the subject at hand.

For example, some people have irrational fears about AIDS. Consider the case of a person coming into HWL freaking out because a relative with AIDS just moved into their home. Threads like these already turn into political and religious flame wars, so why add fuel to the fire by treating the person like they're a dumbass? Just calmly explain the ways they might contract AIDS (providing a helpful link or two), and move on.

Some People Lie and/or Exaggerate

And some people are just plain attention whores. This isn't the place to get hung up on things like that, so do not call them out on it. But it can be helpful to be able to spot liars, so here are some signs: If they refuse to offer any details, even when you've asked specific questions and explained that you can't possibly help them without them; If they give a bunch of excuses and keep adding details as to why they can't follow everyone's advice; If they have many other threads about unrelated problems and things just don't seem to add up. Viewing the person's activity history provides for some useful sleuthing as well.

Flaming is a No-No

Flaming is a part of life on any public forum, and can be entertaining to spectators and I imagine a fun passtime. But listen: It is never okay to flame people in the Help With Life forum. If you are dead set on flaming people, go to the Complaints forum. As the description states, this forum is for giving pure love and caring for people in need. Even if you think the person is an attention whore, a liar, or joking, this activity should always be avoided. Being humorous or satirical to get your point across is perfectly fine, and encouraged! Just make sure that you make it clear to the person that this is your intention, as some of these people are very sensitive.

That being said, flamers and trolls are going to be there in the forum and there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop them. You just have to take them with a grain of salt -- most of them do not mean any real harm, and are there for a laugh. You should avoid arguing with them or encouraging them. Sometimes it might be a good idea to calmly tell them to stop when they have gone too far. For example, if they taunt someone trying to stop smoking to smoke a cigarette, they've gone too far. Better yet, report these types to the Help Desk.



Acknowledge Your Fellow Deviant Helpers

Finally, show some love to your fellow volunteers in the HWL forum. This can be useful for actually helping the person. Repeating something someone else has already said in the thread isn't as effective as saying "My advice is do what =Prince-Charles said" or starting off your post with "I agree with what ~mutantsupermodel said, and would like to add...". This helps the original poster get an idea of what most people think so that hopefully they will take the best advice in the thread.



If you see anything that you think needs changed, corrected, or added, say it! If you want to link to this, do it!